Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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