my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
