I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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