You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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