he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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