I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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