The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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