Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
