i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize