She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
