She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
