i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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