Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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