Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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