nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
