also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
