I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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