we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
