some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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