Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
