my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
