Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
