Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
