you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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