she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize