Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
