I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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