your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
