I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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