Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
