how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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