i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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