I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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