I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize