i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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