Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
