I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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