Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
