I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
