i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think i peed on brittanys purse
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
