If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
