I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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