If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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