tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
