So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize