i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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