Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
