i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
