theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
