What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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