Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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