I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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