She's JV to your varsity
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
