Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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