I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
