So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
