Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
