she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
