I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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