He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
God, I missed his penis.
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