why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
