I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
