I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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