So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
