so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
