Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize