I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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