Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
