If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
