Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
